A Life Less Ordinary

come a little bit closer

2006-07-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

LOVE ALONE
caedmon's call

no one would love me
if they knew all the things i hide
my words fall to the floor
as tears drip through the telephone line
and the hands i've seen raised to the sky
not waving but drowning all this time
i'll try to build the ark that they need
to float to you upon the crystal sea

give me your hand to hold
cause i can't stand to love alone
and love alone is not enough to hold us up
we've got to touch your robe
so swing your robe down low
swing your robe down low

the prince of despair's been beaten
but the loser still fights
death's on a long leash
stealing my friends to the night
and everyone cries for the innocent
you say to love the guilty, too
and i'm surrounded by suffering and sickness
so i'm working tearing back the roof
and the pain of the world is a burden and it's my cross to bear
and i stumble under all the weight
i know you're simon standing there
and i know you're standing there

********
yun lang. this is a really nice song. anyways, midterms are done. and i think i got an average of 3.0 for the midterms. i hope na lang makahabol ako sa digisound. haha.

i'm thinking about this thing. and it's going to take me a long time, i just feel it will.

by the way, don't greet me a happy birthday on friday in any way or form if you just remembered it's my birthday because you saw it in friendster. yun lang talaga. thanks! :)

no offense intended.

i want to rush!

2006-07-14T21:39:00.000+08:00

midterms week

i'm so okay when it comes to school, no problems whatsoever. and i'm happy about that.

wala na akong ma-kwento, sa totoo lang ha.

be back later. ;)

movie marathon

2006-07-01T02:15:00.000+08:00

ahhh.. 2 movies in less than 9 hours.

tokyo drift at G4 with my APC posse. then superman with the family at MoA.

amazing cars and an "unbelievably-heaven-sent" good looking superhero. seriously, i almost drooled over for the guy. haha! XD

i'm tired and i have school in 6 hours. and i still cannot change the fact that brandon routh is so handsome. i love the world that way, though. =p

utopia

2006-06-23T23:23:00.000+08:00

fun day! it's been one hell of a fun day. i don't know.. i just felt like it. :)

went to see a play called condors quest of the galaxy: jupiter. it's more of dance/musical thing, with their stand-up comedic performances to boot. it's of japanese origin, but damn i love it! laugh-trip to nth level!

i was with patrick, ally, glenn, orven (aka "papa jesus") and the whole ARTAPRE class. sobrang fun, basta i felt like i had so much fun. XD

hindi naman obvious na masaya ako.

aha! i saw si "crush" nga pala today after a week din yata. the funny thing is, everybody seemed to be wearing green shirts/stuffs at school, including me and "crush". haha, crush ko talaga si "crush"! i love looking at him, lalo na kapag hindi siya nakatingin. eh kasi hindi naman kami close. hahahahahaha!

i'm happy. yes i am.

toxic

2006-06-18T23:46:00.000+08:00

SCHOOL. i love that word. i'm enjoying it for the first time in my life. ewan ko lang gaano katagal kong sasabihin na nag-eenjoy ako sa school. haha, bahala na.

wala akong magawa ngayon. but it's already 12am at ayoko pa matulog, kasi wala pa naman akong 12 hours na gising, haha! i think i have sleeping problems, but not that i'm insomniac. moving on..

sa itinagal ko nang gumagamit ng mga online blogs, i always try to make it a point to discuss things that is outside the ME area. sabi ko, i want to be other blogs na i find really sensible that discuss about other interesting and much more important things. pero ilang years na ang nakalipas, puro tungkol sa sarili ko or sa mga experiences ko ang ikinukwento ko sa blog ko. it may sometimes seem so pathetic to me, but then i realize i think it's just the way i am. hindi naman sa may ADHD ako pero sa tingin ko hilig ko lang talagang pagusapan ako. (ang gulo nung sentence) ayoko lang kasi ng dinadaan-daanan lang ako ng mga tao. gusto kong mapansin, pero hindi ako papansin.. pramis! i want to stand out among others. for as long as i can remember, grade 1 pa lang gusto ko lagi akong excellent sa lahat. kasi gusto kong ipaalam na may kaya akong gawin sa buhay. i want everybody to feel that i'm alive, that i'm here. i want people to acknowledge and appreciate that i exist. yun lang.

so hanggang ngayon, wala pa rin akong magawa at hindi pa ako inaantok.

walang point itong post ko. may naisip akong i-post kanina kaya lang nawala na yung inspiration. pwede bukas na lang? mag-ddrawing na lang muna ako. :)

what?

2006-06-07T18:49:00.000+08:00

i survived my first 3 days in my new school, and it's a culture shock for me. yes, it's far far different from UST. there are the pros and cons: APC is way too cool to be compared to UST, but smokers are puffing smoke on my face everywhere i turn in the building as to UST's smoke-free campus. excuse me, i'm asthmatic?

but, i know i'm gonna love it there. right now, i am loving the way people give their attention to me when they learn that i came from another school slash a transferree. just like in my ExWrite class this afternoon, all the guys from that business management section clapped their hands so loud after i introduced myself. they almost gave me a standing ovation. i don't know why, but it made me laugh. haha.

i knew it's going to be so much better. :)

bakit ba pag wala ka na ako'y kulang?

2006-05-25T01:11:00.000+08:00

ahhh, i'm so blank right now. i'm like.. this:
"....................."

this is weird, but within the past 2 days, there's this only word in my mind, and it's a curse word: SHIT.

haha, and then i think of one person, because she talks a lot like that. i'm bad!

i mean, how could you be so "i'm better than every living girl on the planet"? that's total bullcrap! you don't walk "the walk", and you don't definitely talk "the talk". i hate to be rude or anything, but you're turning into one social butterfly wanna-be.

moving on, so much for the a-hole-ism of one girl. 9 days to school! and i welcome myself to the whole world of trisemestral-ness.. or something, among others. i also welcome myself to the no school-uniform thing, which is lovely.

i'm anxious, but i can't tell that i'm excited. there's too much angst going on in me. meeting new people and the whole jazz. and leaving my former university pals. those guys there, we have so much fun without us even knowing it. we don't need to be someone else so that we could laugh or anything. we don't need cigarettes or beer (well, on specific occasions we do need it, haha.) or more money. (but incidentally, we have.. most of the time. haha again.) give us coffee and we'd be great. i've been doing practically everything with them. and now.. so much for the drama, it makes me feel the painful pangs of missing them. but i will, really.

many people were asking me out to see the davinci code right after the day i saw it. where were you guys before i saw it, huh?? sige, X3 na lang. haha! penge na lang akong copy nung angels & demons, pati na rin nga nung the da vinci code. basahin ko ulit. XDD

life is good

2006-05-21T23:32:00.000+08:00

things are far better the past few days, i have never felt this so much peace in my life for a long time.

and.. AT LAST! i already saw THE DaVINCI CODE! i have to say it was good. didn't disappoint me and what surprised me the most is that my mom and brothers also liked it. my brothers, among others, really don't take time and interest in these kind of movies. it only took me tons of answering and explaining before they could fully appreciate it. we were actually discussing the whole story and its aspects even on the way home. i have to say dan brown, alongside j.k. rowling, are few of the authors that i consider my favorite.

although the story or the book, even the movie perhaps, is too mainstream as some of my close friends suggest; i believe it's famous for a reason, and that reason is worthy of the fame. i just have to reiterate that it is really good. i appreciate it very much.

see it. and keep an open-mind.

(and yes, the R-18 rating MTRCB gave the movie here is down-right STUPID. we've managed to trick those guys in RP that my 16-year old brother is indeed 18, and i, a middle-child that just turned 19 (but i heard in ayala cinemas, they are stricter, asking for identification cards). i just don't get the point of rating it R-18.)

mayer!

2006-05-13T01:11:00.000+08:00

i was clicking random buttons on the remote control because i'm way too bored, and then i switched on to conan o'brien and guess what he said at the exact moment i tuned in:

ladies and gentlemen, please welcome JOHN MAYER.

and man, it was the greatest thing that can happen to me EVAR! home chicago was totally awesome. and i just love john!

wasted sighs

2006-05-08T03:54:00.000+08:00

i don't know which of these two words fit me the most: CLUMSY or ACCIDENT-PRONE?

i "accidentally" (i'm not entirely sure, really) cut my left index finger with a razor. and i have to wrap it up with micropore and cotton soaked (exaggerating) in betadine so it would stop bleeding. for sure, a lot of people would have fainted at the sight of overfluous (?) blood coming out of their finger, but having yourself "accidentally" having cuts, bruises and abrasions all the time does help you cope with that.

it's 4am and i don't know why i am talking about my wounded finger.

and i don't know why i still ain't in bed either.

i hope that there would be a more superlative term to WORST. (and in english grammar, i think that last sentence was the most grammatically incorrect sentence in history: "more superlative") because if the word WORSTEST really does exist, i think that's the righteous word to describe what i am feeling now. all i ask in this life is to be a normal girl, with a normal life, normal happiness and normal problems.

to go through a bad break-up. and i think i've lost my family already. at 18, i have to look for a job so i could "raise" myself. i have to stop school for a "year", which is still indefinite, for there's still chance that i might stop for longer than a year. and yes, the worst guilt-driven heartache i could ever have. break-up.

haven't laughed or smiled genuinely for 2 months. all i am capable of doing right now is crying.

well i guess i am not that normal. thank you for that.

meme-fied!

2006-05-03T02:20:00.000+08:00

ahh.. talk about my current music playlist. random meme i found along the streets. XD take it too if you want!

number of songs: only a hundered forty-five, but made like a bajillion of playlist cuts within 4 years, so i would presume i've downloaded over a thousand of songs already. talent, eh?

first song in playlist: 3 doors down - here without you

last song in playlist: yellowcard - empty apartment (sorted by artist, alphabetically)

shortest song: HP POA soundtrack - double trouble (0:53)

longest song: bonnie bailey - ever after (6:36)

first artist: 3 doors down

last artist: yellowcard

search in keywords and see how many items appear with the following keywords:
Sex: 1
Death: 0
Love: 6
Hate: 0
You: 38
Me: 141
Drugs: 0
God: 3

search for your own name, how many?: none of course, but my david bowie songs came up

do the shuffle! shuffle your library and list the first ten songs:
1. john mayer - your body is a wonderland
2. coldplay - the scientist
3. michael buble - the way you look tonight
4. john mayer - great indoors
5. natalie feat. baby bash - energy
6. gwen stefani - cool
7. razorlight - golden touch
8. vertical horizon - best i ever had
9. clap your hands say yeah - is it love
10. arcade fire - cold wind

anyways, i opened up my myspace account for after god knows how long it took me. haha, signed up for one because i wanted to add jc chasez and john mayer and something. XD and then there, i came to a conclusion that using myspace is pain in my arse. when i tried to add them up it was asking for the verification thing, like the e-mail address. how am i supposed to know that, right? and no matter how many times i try to put in their last names, it doesn't work. so how did all these other users added them up? even my online friends, i can't add their accounts to my list. of course, i don't know their last names. geez. nevermind, if you want to check out my myspace thingy, the link's on the side bar.

had a great the OC episode tonight. i was really glued. i'm seth/anna all the way, baby! haha!

the best album

2006-05-02T01:26:00.000+08:00

i thought, if ever i become a famous, filthy-rich celebrity..

and the most likely reason why i would be popular is because i have a BOYFRIEND who is a:
1. badass rockstar
2. down-right good-looking actor, or
3. the hottest member of a boy band (which is a dream i had given up a long time ago, but i'm still keeping my fingers crossed)
other than that, i don't think i could be famous as an actress or a musician or anything that requires talent, TOUGH LUCK.

.. if i do become famous and would be asked in a future interview (you know those stuffs like they ask you about your favorite color, food, pet, and even your favorite underwear) which in my opinion is the best album on planet earth, last week i thought i would answer john mayer's HEAVIER THINGS.

but today, i think i would answer differently in that far-distant interview.

thank you so much for my very neat-freak self, when i decided to run around and just find some random junk. i am oddly fond of seeing things i had/made way back when i was 13 or something. i actually found 2 things, both of which goes under the same category/phase in my life. i am not going to tell you the first one, (but if you want to know, find rowi and ask, she knows it. *wink*) but i found it along with my very precious *NSYNC No Strings Attached CD. and it's dusty and all, but thank heavens really, it's not broken. of course, i would've wished for it to be completely okay because i actually had it shipped from the states on the time of its release, because i am such a fan. (yes, i am not ashamed of it.) i don't like the idea of having spent $20 for it and just turn out to be trash after years.

after that, those 2 things made me go and look for my *NSYNC Making the Tour DVD. i was wise enough to keep it, because i spent yet another good deal on this as much as i had for the CD. (excuse me, they didn't sell it in here in the philippines, only available in the states.)

a funny story this is, i have it bought for me and when i got it, I WAS SO MAD BECAUSE I COULDN'T WATCH IT! i almost killed myself (and oh, rowi too.) because i can't watch! it only occured to me only a few years later, when the dawn of the DVD revolution arrived, that the reason why i can't see my *NSYNC Making the Tour DVD is because we still don't have DVD players here in the philippines, year 2001. (you are all like, "oh my gwad!" right now, i know.)

moving on, so there, armed with my *NSYNC DVD and CD and the ______, it's like a trip down memory lane. i played the DVD, and watched it like i never saw it before. and then it hit me, these guys were the greatest thing that happened to me. and i wasn't kidding.

to tell you the story in its entirety would really hurt you. but the fact that i have been a *NSYNC fan during my teen years, is something that i am most grateful of in my whole life.

it made me open myself up to what reality is. not only that, because of my *NSYNC-worhipping self, i wouldn't have found my bestfriend. (uyyy, rowi! hehe!) 6 years it has been, and i look back at that time in my life and it's the best i ever had. and if in that interview, i would be asked in which part of my life would i much like to relive, it would be that, actually.

whether anyone of you who reads this would DISAGREE with me when i say *NSYNC is a great vocal group, i really don't care, because their music is a part of my life. and if you don't appreciate their music like i do, i'm so sorry for you, really.

so when i become popular, and donald trump/bill gates-rich:
Q: OWI, WHAT IS THE BEST ALBUM FOR YOU EVER?
A: oh, that would be *NSYNC's No Strings Attached. great music they have there. it's like that album is the reason why they became bigger and better. after that CD, they basically just grew up and made better music either as a group or individuals. the best songs i ever heard in my life are there. and i know you are going to ask me what would be my all-time favorite song, that would be 'This I Promise You'.

:)

if only

2006-04-29T22:32:00.000+08:00

i want to tell you why i love you. you need to hear this. i love you since
the first time i saw you.. i never really showed it because i kept thinking
ahead. i don't know, but you bring love to my life. if not because of
you, i am a person who doesn't know what love is. you taught me what
love is and how to be loved.
if only

everything's said there..

this would be like.. whoa!

2006-04-27T12:53:00.000+08:00

disclaimer: i had never talked about this thing i'm going to talk about with just anyone. only a few people know and if you already know, that means i trust you. and i am going to talk about it now because i am assured that those people who i don't want to be informed haven't got the biggest chance of reading this post. i know.

i just had almost 4 amazing months being with someone. and it was the longest relationship i had to date. actually, if it wasn't only for the number of months we were together, this would be included in my "i was with someone but didn't consider it as a relationship" list. but the relationship, of course, is not your typical 'we-are-so-happy' type. it's so much full of my compromises, actually.

i am an awful girlfriend, i admit. i am so passive and pathetic to my boyfriend and i know that i am being utterly unfair to him. it's not that i don't love him, it only just came along after i said "yes" to him. and i asked him to keep everything on the down-low for the reason that i don't want to be a bit showy. my boyfriend is such a trophy boyfriend (saying that sans the bragging, etc.) that i really don't like people talking about us. or more likely, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR PEOPLE SAY STUFFS ABOUT ME. selfish, i know.

i never told anyone only after a couple of months into the relationship. i didn't give that much time to him, you know, the usual way people who are in relationships do. it's as if we never had one.

but we have our moments and i enjoy every time i'm with him. he made it a point to keep his promise that he will never let me down. he never failed me, he treated me like how i want to be treated as a girlfriend, and i guess that would've made me so much more unfair.

i guess i was just never ready for him. he so much more than i wanted, and i cannot have anything that exceeds me.

4 months, and all i think about was the day when i will say goodbye to him. because i can't hold on to this for longer, i'll just hurt him so bad.

PS: to those who think that they are included in the list of people who i don't want to be informed about this but nevertheless had read the post, just shut up and run and mind your own beeswax. i swear, mess with this and you're dead.

bakit ba pag wala ka na ako'y kulang?

2006-04-26T15:37:00.000+08:00

how do you want me to love you?
take it fast, take it slow?
baby let me know.
how do you want me to love you?
with my heart, with my soul
i'll take you anywhere you want to gooooo-hohoho..

it's paulo's fault. turned me back into this boyband groupie that i was BEFORE. major LSS there.
i.. need.. to.. listen.. to.. a.. different.. song.. !!

anyway, ayan, may naisip na naman ako. habang nasa CR ako kanina naisip ko na sa gitna ng lahat ng kaguluhan sa buhay ko ngayon , i'm still so very blessed. ang dami-dami kong friends who kept on telling me they're always here for me. and they really are! they're not just talking shit or whatever, they really help me out. just the mere fact that they listened to my problems, that's something. and the others are helping me out in more ways than that.

from my USTe family: jevinne, yome, mics, my ahya paul (for the lovely text messages) and pat (sige asarin mo pa ako, haha!); and then rowi and paulo (like you guys listen to me 24/7); kahit boyfriend ng kapitbahay ko, girlfriend ng kuya at mga pinsan ko, boyfriend ng classmate ko nung highschool, teachers ko nung highschool, classmates ko nung highschool, mommy ng mga friends ko.. grabe talaga ang support! pang-fans club!

i may not be given a very understanding family (but still understanding somehow), i have this set of friends that are just so bigger than life. i love them so much! eto pa lang ang maibabalik ko for all their help: I LOVE YOU GUYS!

i love my friends, as in! :)

randomness

2006-04-26T05:23:00.000+08:00

took me half a year before i could update here, eh?

well, i don't know why i came back here. i never knew all this just needed was a new layout. apparently, i was damn lazy that i just took off a template from blogskins. haha.

so ayun. too much naman if i update here about my life from what was missed prior to the last post. actually, it's good to be back here. i'll keep you posted kapag may nangyaring may katuturan sa buhay ko.

damnit! wala pa akong tagboard! i must've forgotten my html/css powers. *rolls eyes*

bye! mwah!

just hold your horses right there..

2006-01-06T14:10:00.000+08:00

you're eyes are not deceiving you.. yes it's an update. finally.

but.. it would take quite a time before i get this one up and running on a normal basis, i have a plan for this blog and it is going to take long.

for now, let me show you my LJ where i blog as of this moment. visit it, NOW.

you know me, i change blogs a lot. haha!

"see you later dudes!"
~ squirt (finding nemo)

happier from happy

2005-09-03T21:52:00.000+08:00

song: taking back sunday - you're so last summer

hey.. did i promise to post the metro bar pictures the last time i posted? sorry! i'm too lazy to do it right now. haha! it's that because i got home from school so late and then i was very happy! yeah.. wala ako magawa totally, i'm just going to tell you about my whole week. it was good..

monday
no classes because of the holiday thing. i just stayed home (buti naman, kasi super bad shot na ako kay mommy) and cleaned up my room and made tambay.

tuesday
school was okay. shempre, we had electronics lab. ganun talaga. then after classes, yome and i went to watch a vball game. i think that was men's team: ab vs. eccle. ang nice nga nung game eh. shempre ab ako kasi andun si ryan melad. haha! he's that guy who looks so good, but he's gay. :) and the fun part is that ***** was there watching too! yes, i saw him!

wednesday
programming shitness. haaay, i was able to finish the program naman, pero i hate it na talaga. i don't think i saw ***** somewhere around. but the day was definitely alright. (i'm sorry i couldn't remember na talaga what happened, haha!)

thursday
awit pinoy finals! yeah, of course kasali yung band namin but unfortunately we didn't make it. pero masasabi ko talaga na we are great for first-timers. okay din yung mga bands sa engineering. ayos talaga! late na natapos yung awit pinoy, around 7pm, i guess. then we eere hanging around sa grounds near the sports complex and engineering building waiting for jack and jeric's car para ma-load na yung mga equipment. tapos sabi ni yome, papakita niya sa amin yung highschool vball player na kamukha ng classmate namin. paglapit namin sa may sports complex... ooomph! ***** was there! ang happy ko na naman, tiningnan niya ako! haha!

friday
the most unproductive day of them all. i came in early for school, pero nag-start na ang programming class, napapansin ko konti pa lang kami na pumasok. (ang sisipag talaga!) then i was starting my program na when yome texted: "owi... lumabas na. wag mo na tapusin yang program mo. dito kami sa pav sa baba." eh di, lumabas ako ng lab (wala naman yung prof) at bumaba na ako. haha! bait noh? and then pati yung second lab class hindi na rin namin pinasukan, nakakatamad naman talaga kasi. we watched a men's vball game ulit, this time educ vs. science. i rooted for the college of science, because naman of prince estanislao. yun talaga, super gwapo! kaya lang, super gay ulit. haha! and yeah before i forget, he (*****) was there ulit. actually nasa baba ko nga siya nakaupo sa bleachers eh. yun... nothing much happened between him and me. after that. we went to rob place manila. we ate at cinnabon then tambay sa powerbooks, and went back to school mga 2pm. ayos ba? :)

today
i was supposed to single-handedly report everything about adobe photoshop, kasi ako lang daw marunong gumamit nun "sabi ng mga kaklase ko" (i don't believe, ayaw lang mag-report ng mga ungas na yun! =p haha!) eh kaya lang nagka-problem pero okay lang kasi our prof was too busy practising for his number para sa variety show namin. (ICS week kasi) the show was fun, lalo na when he (*****) approched us sa seats namin to talk and then after ulit pagkalabas ko, he talked to me! yay, i'm so happy! kilig to the max talaga!

haaay, basta i'm happy dahil sa kanya! haha! sige, sobra na na-kwento ko. matulog ka na. :D

don't care how long, but i'm willing to wait

2005-08-22T23:24:00.000+08:00

song: cueshe - stay

yesterday i was at metro concert bar in west ave and i saw cueshe. it was definitely love at first sight. :) i went home just this morning around 4am, and then got dressed up to go to school. i haven't had sleep yet at that time and i'm the most "bangag" person you ever saw. buti na lang PE class lang ako, 7am-9am. so i went home agad and binawa ko yung tulog ko. :) slept in from 10am-5pm. :) it was good!

speaking of sleeping. i know that most of the time when i sleep, i dream. and i had these awesomest dream lately. para na nga siyang isang romantic movie! gawd, grabe! i'll make kwento about it tomorrow, i promise that. pero sabi nila, your dreams ar your innermost desires. hmmm, i am yet to think about that... :)

and when she gets in our cueshe pictures, i'ma share it all with you din. ruben was sush a charmer!

it's been something sometime

2005-08-18T22:04:00.000+08:00

song: black eyed peas - don't lie

hoy! guess what, my PC's working na! i was the happiest person when enard got it fixed, and it took us hours to get ti working. hay, it was such a huge thing to work on. anyways, i am blogginf right now because... actually, uhhh... haha! wala lang! i'ma share some pics na lang with you guys, pictures from the first day of my sophomore year in college. 3 months ago na... how time flies!

*the pictures are gone* *sigh*

finally!

2005-08-08T12:24:00.000+08:00

song: ryan cabrera - on the way down

I'M OFFICIALLY 18! wow... i feel so happy about it. and my day was happy too. last thursday was a milestone. i don't know. it's not that someone did something special to me, (actually nobody didn't) it's just that for the first time in my life, i can look back 18 years from now and i can say to myself "i've gone a long way, baby!"

C++ MY ASS!

2005-07-27T08:13:00.000+08:00

song: kelly clarkson - breakaway

oh yeah, i'm here at the computer lab again. of course, hindi ko na matapos yung program ko kaya nag-blog na lang ako. :) anyways, i'm just here to check out how ya'll guys are doing. i hope you're doing okay.

guess what, tulad nga ng sabi ni pau sa tagboard ko, malapit na akong tumanda. and it actually brings a lot of things for me to think about. i'm excited to turn 18 but i'm not quite sure about it as well. sa ngayon, napupuno ako, as in i'm haunted by all these family problems na meron kami. sa lahat ng pwedeng problemahin, yung sa family ko pinaka-mahina ako. ewan ko ba, i know this too shall pass pero i'm so bothered na bakit sa petsa pa ng birthday ko maganap. oh well, that's life. (my mantra)

what's with turning 18? i don't know, really. but i want sana a dinner-dance party pero i know hindi na mnagyayari yun. but having all my closest buds and my family together celebrating it kahit simple lang, masaya na ako. i hope everyone would be there and make it really special. and i hope yung mga special someone ko, like my friends, (esp. the guys? haha!) would make me feel really happy and special. haaay, 8 days to go...

i so love C++ programming...

2005-07-22T09:34:00.000+08:00

song: mayonnaise - bakit

i love C++ programming? NOT! i'm going nuts here, i can't quite figure out what to do with the program i'm supposed to do now here in class. (instead of blogging) it's driving me nuts! so, i just close the C++ window and i open my browser. i still have 12 minutes to kill before this laboratory class ends. and then i go to another 3-hour lab class. but the class is a no-brainer. productivity tools? give me a break, i'd rather play diner dash at yahoo games. i'll take advantage of it. ;) haha!

so what's new? well, my life is entirely made up of my mom's sermon. araw-araw na lang yata ako napapagalitan. simpleng bagay lang, galit na. i think sometimes my mom is becoming so unreasonable for me. i hate it, she shouts at me in the morning for leaving in the sink the glass i used to drink water. or when i already boarded the car, she'd call me at my cellphone just to shout at my face that i left something open. (like the window or something) i want to tell my mom i get tired sometimes too. good thing i manage to just shut up and keep my temper when she does that to me, specially in the mornings. (what a way to start a day)

ahhh, that's my life... and that's my mom. am i left with a choice?

oh yeah yeah!

2005-07-06T10:26:00.000+08:00

song: actually, nag-rereport ng isang lesson dito

hello! welcome again, i'm here sa ICS4 lab ngayon and guess what? instead sa nag-aaral ako eh eto... I'M BLOGGING! hehe! bait noh? free internet eh, bilis pa!

first day funk freshmen party: yuck, baduy ng show... hindi pa pinagpapawisan PnE, tapos na show nila!

pero we had dinner at kenny roger's. ang kulit-kulit talaga namin dun grabe!

ahhh...

2005-06-29T09:18:00.000+08:00

song: screaming silence!

greeting from the land where tigers rule!

i am here now blogging my way here out to you from the computer laboratory 1 of the ICS department in UST. congratulate me, i was able to use the very fast (when i say fast, i do mean it) internet connection here. so that's why i decided to blog. actually it's been years since i last posted. i've been very busy lately. (i effing swear!)

so what's new? i have line-ups of coming gigs and parties and concerts (and the list goes on) to attentd to. but not all of them are quite sure i'll be attending.

june 30 - freshmen party here at UST
july 2 - university kick-off party at club650, libis
july 9 - gracie's 18th birthday somewhere near UPD
july 23 - mae's "super-arte" (note: =p haha!) debut dinner at the pearl manila

i know more are still to come. so there, it's freezingly cold in here. i got to scram, i hope i'll hear from you at the tagboard just below down there. :) have fun!

ROCK ON!!

thanks to OMI for the inspiring picture!

the heat of the summer sunshine

2005-06-15T20:10:00.000+08:00

song: i could care less, i'm in a net shop!

MY SUMMER HAS FINALLY ENDED!

it's been a roller coaster summer, my life has been changed by the approximately-less-than-3-months i spent attending summer classes in the morning and bumming around like some ordinary... well, BUM in the afternoon. everything in my life from love, my parents, my brothers and my friends had drastically changed. and i could never be proud of the things that i have achieved this summer, even though karaihan dun eh nasaktan "slash" sinaktan ako. i now do believe that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON talaga. but at the end of this journey, all i had was a smile on my face and a much happier heart. :)

i started classes today, and it was loads of fun! it sure was a relief for me to be spending my time again with my crazy classmates (and a few addition to the class as well) instead of just sleeping 25 hours a day.

and since i feel so tremendously lazy to blog and i am just also renting a computer from a shop (since mine got busted for the nth time again, i'm so tired of fixing it) i'm gonna end this thig. at least you know i'm still alive. :)

p.s. the diet is going on quite well, i feel good about it. i haven't weighed myself though.. to see the changes. :)

someting i'm going to stick with

2005-06-02T18:22:00.000+08:00

song: lifehouse - everything

I WILL BE UNDERGOING ON A DIET PROGRAM.

i opted for the south beach diet, i find it really enjoying to do as i read about it over the internet for some 3 hours. what i like about it is that the diet doesn't actually kill, it just reduces your urge for some of the food that makes you gain weight. so, i'm gonna go for that. :) i hope everyone will be supportive of it. :)

the songs of my life

2005-05-28T23:22:00.000+08:00

song: lifehouse - where i wanna be

my best guy bud paulo asked me to do this way back before, so here i go:

opening credits
my world - avril lavigne

waking up
sunday morning - maroon5 (even though it's not sunday)

average day
let's stay together - al green

first date
where i want to be - lifehouse

falling in love
hanging by a moment - lifehouse

love scene
the distance - evan and jaron

fight scene
there's no 'I' in team - taking back sunday

breaking up
let me go - three doors down

getting back together
god blessed the broken road - rascal flatts

secret love
1000 kisses - will smith

bonding with friends
islands in the stream - dolly parton

life's okay
mobile - avril lavigne

mental breakdown
blurry - muddle of pudd

driving
man, i feel like a woman - shania twain

walking down the street
soak up the sun - sheryl crow

learning a lesson
with a smile - eraserheads

deep thought
something's missing - john mayer

flashback
don't worry baby - the beach boys

partying
the two of us - nsync

happy dance
do your thing - nsync

relaxing
back to you - john mayer

bumming/slacking off/boring day
sleep all day - jason mraz (i have to agree with pau)

eating/pigging Out
too much food on my plate - jason mraz

regretting
the day you said goodnight - hale

long night alone
the scientist - coldplay

death scene
best i ever had - vertical horizon

closing credits
wheel - john mayer

aren't you going to ask what's my all-time favorite movie?! haha!

what's the current status?

2005-05-27T23:07:00.000+08:00

song: evan and jaron - crazy for this girl

just this night, my mom forced me to accompany my dad to my tita's house to pick up the van. and so i did but before i do, we stopped by mercury drug store and my dad bought medicine for my cousin. i was opting for the swiss miss vanilla shake, but the i checked the freezer, they have the star wars wonder cup! haha! it even said that the flavor is like 'apple sith ice slush' and it is color BLUE! it's like ice with sugar and apple flavor. it was not really your typical yummy ice cream but nevertheless it's star wars. and i got a collectible, so i really don't mind the taste afterall. all i was excited about was the toy under the cup. haha!

so there, we got the van were going to use for tomorrow's excursion with my dad's side of the family. i'm not even anxious about it, i don't even wanna come. don't ask why. we all got our favorite sides of our families. so obviously, i'd rather enjoy with my mom's side.

anyways, going back to the topic of this post. what's the status?

i forgot to mention that my tita's house was in las piñas and that place sure brings back a lot of memories from way back, with the "special someone" before. and i can't help but to think of him since it'll be his birthday only a few minutes away. and we haven't been talking for months already. i guess that the feeling just sorts of fades away but the way he registered in my mind will never go away. it's not that i'm hanging on the moment, but when you spend a certain time and a certain amount of closeness with a person, you can't just simply wipe the fact that you did out of your system.

sincerely, there come times that i do miss the things we do together, he even just pops out of my silly head for a couple of moments. but i do not miss him. i do not miss him for the person he is now. i don't know why but i am so full of angst for him. what i miss is what he was when he was with me. you know, i don't like him now. in fact i do hate him.

i really don't know if he reads my blog but i really don't give a damn. i probably think he does. and with everything i said, it'll probably be just about the right time that he'll know he is the person i've been talking about here for a long time.

i really don't give a shit of what he'll think or feel. for he didn't give a shit either on what i'll feel with the the things he did to me. and for reality's sake, i knw he isn't aware fo it. manhid kasi.

it's a little thing called karma. what goes around really comes around. and he never knew it'd hit him harder than i want the karma i wished for him to hit.

if you're reading this, i wanted to say to you: GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR LIFE, I'LL BE WATCHING YOU CRY.

strike TWO!!!

2005-05-24T20:17:00.001+08:00

song: lifehouse - you and me

saw this guy again! haha, it could never be any fun! :) i met up with riva today (a very close highschool classmate) at glorietta/makati where we are supposed to be with mec also but she said she overslept and was not feeling too well. i'll take her word for it, anyways.

so we had lunch together and talked about our upcoming debuts and our party plans for it. haha, made me think for a while: what am i gonna do with mine? heck, i really don't care. :)

then we saw star wars (second for me, first for riva) at G4. she felt the same way for the movie. (awww...) and she was like it seemed to her it's only the first time i saw the movie. hah! talk about being a geek to the very core.

anyways, we also had out pictures taken in the canon booth, full jedi cosutmes with anakin on the background, baby! and yeah!

i like my new haircut! i feel so good with it!

THE REVENGE OF THE SITH experience

2005-05-23T19:55:00.000+08:00

song: rob thomas - don't wanna be lonely

I'M HAVING THE MOST AMAZING TIME OF MY LIFE!

naniniwala na nga ako sa sabi ng southborder: there's a rainbow always after the rain... tama ba? hahaha! kahit sobrang pinaulanan ako ni God ng madaming problems lately, pinasaya Niya naman ako kahit for a few hours/days.

'di ba sabi ko sa inyo manood kayo ng STAR WARS?!?! sana nanood nga kayo, kasi kung hindi, i'll hunt you down talaga! hahaha! >:) sige umpisahan natin ang kwento.

monday
may 16
last day sa school at napag-alaman kong ibinagsak na naman ako, pero nag-remedial exams naman kahit sobrang pagod na ako, naghintay pa rin ako magdamag ma-take ko lang yung exams. sana naman maging ok na noh. ayoko na pag-usapan ito.

tuesday
may 17
ah, nag-glorietta kami ni meanne (na kakauwi palang galing states) pagkatapos namin pumunta sa SPU. wow, treat niya ako sa yellow cab. nag-ubos kami ng 14" 4 seasons pizza. mukha kami pataya gutom dalawa. haha!

wednesday
may 18
(may advanced screening ang star wars ng 10pm sa karamihan ng cinemas, pero hindi kami naka-reserve ng tickets ni rowi tulad ng plano)
nagpunta kami sa manila memorial park kasi 3rd year death na ng lola ko. enjoy ka-bonding mga cousins ko and my tita from canada. then we went to macapagal highway para mag-dinner sa northpark then we went to starbucks sa blue wave. marunong na mag-SB yung mga kiddie cousins ko, parang hindi na nila kilala si jollibee. hehe!

thursday
may 19
(first day ng showing ng star wars)
ni-rush namin si mommy twice sa ER (una sa MCM, then next na sa san juan de dios hospital) because of her gastritis. pina-admit na namin siya. nothing alarming daw pero sabi ko io-confine na para ma-monitor lang. kasi minsan hindi na niya kaya i-tolerate yung pain. so i stayed over to make bantay of her. kahit nakakapagod kasi hindi ako nakatulog ng maayos to watch over her, ayos lang naman... :)

friday
may 21
bonding ang aking family sa hospital. ayos lang, buong araw ka ba naman naka-aircon ah!

saturday
may 22
NAPANOOD KO NA DIN! hah! rowi and i saw star wars sa greenbelt3. it was so amazing, para bang may hangover pa rin kami ni rowi after the movie. we can't stop babbling about it! then nagpakuha pa kami ng picture sa booth ng canon in full jedi costumes and matching lightsabers with anakin in the background! haha! star wars the whole day! a lot of people were going to see it, mostly the cinemas sa GB3 reserved na. cinema 1 to 5, star wars! the movie was unbelievable, beyond words! sobrang affected yung emotions ko. parang sa kalagitnaan gusto ko ng sumigaw sa sinehan ng "tama na! hindi ko na kaya! huwag ka na maging bad anakin, love kita!" hahaha! praning! binabalaan ko lahat ng hindi pa nakakanood!

ayan, there na lang muna! post ko yung wacky star wars pics namin ni rowi sometime. kaka-loka.

I'M SO HAPPY!

what happened?

2005-05-11T12:49:00.000+08:00

song: vertical horizon - you're a god

the guy's technically a god, but what the heck is he saying?

from Yahoo! News (click here for full story)
By DAVID GERMAIN, AP Movie Writer
Tue May 10, 4:04 PM ET
Lucas' accomplishments marked a one-of-a-kind revolution. He sneaked into a Hollywood that no longer had the verve or nerve to make the weird, giddy, goofy Saturday matinees of his youth. He found a lone patron among fainthearted studio executives willing to pony up cash for what was essentially an Arthurian sword-in-the-stone fantasy in space.

Then he went off and made the most rip-roaring blast of cinematic fun audiences had ever seen as 1977's "Star Wars" became the biggest box-office sensation of its time.

Where dollar signs twinkle, studios follow, and Hollywood has been lumbering behind Lucas ever since.

Lucas said he originally envisioned a bigger story arc that revealed Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia to be the children of Darth Vader, who finds redemption in his last moments of life through the good heart of his son.

He scaled "Star Wars" back to tell only the first chapter of that chronicle. After the film succeeded beyond anyone's expectations, Lucas followed with "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi."
The special-edition releases helped persuade Lucas to go back and tell the backstory of how headstrong youth Anakin Skywalker transformed into malignant monster Darth Vader.

Episodes I and II, "The Phantom Menace" and "Attack of the Clones," were hits, but they disappointed many fans who wanted to see a full-blown Vader from the outset. Instead, Lucas followed Anakin from precocious boyhood through his awkward teen years and a forbidden romance.

"Revenge of the Sith" finally takes Anakin to the dark side as Vader, whose fear of losing the love of his life leads him into a bloodbath against the Jedi knights who raised him.
Lucas is braced for fresh complaints about the final film, expecting many viewers to gripe that it's too dark, the ending too bleak.

"Half the people like the movies, the other half don't. There's nothing I can do about that," Lucas said. "Nobody is indifferent about them. Even the reviews, we get fantastic reviews or horrible reviews. There's no middle ground. Nobody's saying, `They're OK, I guess.'

"You can't really worry about it. I make the movie I feel I want to make, telling the story I want to tell, and how it gets received is how it gets received. At least it's my fault. It's totally mine. I don't have to have any excuses about it. I don't have to say, `The studio made me do this,' or `I know that was wrong, but I had to do it.' Whatever people don't like or they do like is my fault."

Millions of fans would love a third trilogy picking up after "Return of the Jedi," but Lucas said he has no story in mind and no intention of continuing the tale on the big screen.

The adventure will live on in an animated TV show and a live-action series Lucas has planned, set among minor characters from the films in the 20 years or so between the action of "Revenge of the Sith" and the original "Star Wars."

Lucas also hopes to release three-dimensional versions of all six movies in theaters starting a couple of years down the road. The 3-D editions would be created using new digital technology that adds depth perspective to two-dimensional film images.

Other than the new "Indiana Jones," the creator himself said he is done with big film productions. Lucas plans to go off and make the sort of artsy little films he would have been making all along if "Star Wars" had not taken off.

With money set aside to cover those film projects into his 70s, Lucas said he can do whatever he wants without worrying if his movies succeed or fail, toiling in comparative obscurity and happy to be free of "Star Wars."

"The analogy I can use is, it's like going away to college," Lucas said. "It's great to get out of the house. You miss your parents a little bit, but you get to see them at Thanksgiving. But it's great to be in college, great to be on your own. It's great to have a new life."

oh no man... even though i'd love to see a remake of the fourth to sixth sequel (or maybe i just want to see hayden christensen play darth vader), i should say nothing beats the original ones. han solo - princess leia for life! :)

i'm on this endless road with nothing to see

2005-05-07T17:50:00.000+08:00

song: jc chasez - build my world

clear my eyes it's the morning after
did i fall in love, or did i find disaster?
take a second just to breathe

there she goes and i know she knows
by the way she eased out on her tippy toes
skip the breakfast, tea for two
we made no plans to rendeavous

someone for everyone but no one for me
constantly searching for the love i need to build my world around, around
i'll be the lonely one until i find someone
the one i build my world around, around
so bring the arms of love until i find the one
the one i build my world

lazy days, i'm in a hazy phase
of watching countless ways in which my life goes crazy
foolishness to blame
still it pains me all the same

empty faces with empty gazes
in a race of change i'm losing faith in my pace
trying to keep my feet before i fall

i'm on this endless road with nothing to see
constantly searching for the love i need to build my world around, around
i'll be the lonely one until i find the one
the one i build my world around, around
so bring the arms of love until i find the one
the one i build my world

a cornerstone of honesty
a foundation of gravity and freedom
a clear and concrete understanding
a love that's best kept safe and sound

it's amazing how we fear we may be
it's from ourselves we so often run
abandon fear and consequence of heartbreak
expose the truth and give yourself to love

we've all been set up to be disappointed
we have to crawl before we learn to fly
it's a blur that moves right into focus
removes the doubt, aligns your heart and mine

build my world around, around
i'll be the lonely one until i find the one
the one i build my world around, around
so bring the arms of love until i find the one
the one i build my world around, around

********
nice song isn't it? and a much nicer singer... haha! you guys know jc chasez naman siguro noh? si jc chasez ang true love ko... oh yeah!

this day is so idle, wala lang talagang magawa. nakapag-isip na naman ako, inisip ko kung masaya na nga ba talaga ako... at ang sagot ay: oo, masaya ako. sana kayo din. :)

what goes around comes around

2005-05-06T21:27:00.000+08:00

song: brian mcknight - everytime you go away

oh ayan, i'll give way to make kwento about the batangas trip last monday. actually, sumaglit lang ako sa water tapos nagpaaraw lang ako ng mga ilang oras tapos natulog na. kahit sa isang bench alng ako natutulog, ayos lang, basta ba naman makatulog ako eh. :) anyways, here are the pictures.

ahhh... the sea... so big, so blue and so... wet?

hmm... wala ako masabi tungkol dito kundi ito ay isang... beach?

ha! kawawanga bata, malulunod na lang sa buhangin pa!

oh, wag nang pansinin. nagda-drama lang ako. actually, rehearsal lang yan para sa upcoming photoshoot ko. (astig naman tingnan, di ba?)

oh ayos ba? yun na eh! huwaw man, i feel so happy huh. ngayon lang ako ulit nakatagpo ng peace sa aking feelings. like what rowi said, we are back in the business! ayos! ang tanong... anong business naman kaya yun? haha!

ngayon naman pinapangarap ko maging isang JEDI MASTER! (ambisyosang bata!)

do you guys really want to know why i'm happy? it isn't just because of that star wars thingy... i've finally learned to let go... that "special someone" is just another someone to me now. he doesn't make me happy, he makes me cry. i let go of things that make me sad. but i sincerely want to thank him for teaching me how to be strong, and teaching me how to learn to let go all by myself by hurting me so much, i almost wanted to kill him. i hope he'll be happy, but i wish that he would be bestowed the same courtesies as he did on me, so that he'll learn how to feel love, and how to appreciate it. i wish he'd be hurt more than he hurted me so that he'll know how to be not insensitive. but i'm not wishing him to die, that's bad... good jedi masters don't do that... yeah, rock on!

shet dude, I ROCK!!!!

the story of my FIRST LOVE

2005-05-05T18:39:00.000+08:00

song: evan & jaron - the distance

i should be posting about the batangas beach trip i had last monday, or my saddened reaction when scott savol (my bet) got booted out of american idol season 4, or to "make habol" of my kwento about my westin philippine plaza stay... but i felt that i have no time for it.

my heart has been filled with so much nostalgia of that feeling i strongly felt exactly 2 years and 351 days ago. and the love i felt for the first time exactly 3 years before prior to that 2 years and 351 days. (do you get the picture? so that 6 years ago or less...) i must get this overwhelming love i've been feeling since i felt it again when i saw a movie with mom yesterday. my gawd, it's so good, it feels so good. everytime i hear that name, i go lugnuts! i go crazy, i lose my sanity! this love is driving me stupid! but it's so good, i'm loving it!

yes... meet ANAKIN SKYWALKER! he will be darth vader (not until may 19) who will cast his evil forces in the entire galaxy. who wouldn't fall in love with him?!?!

i must admit that i am a STAR WARS GEEK to the core! and i'm proud of that... you won't believe the things i can do and what i did for the love of star wars. (in example: i saw attack of the clones 3 days in a row ever since it showed in the cinemas and if it wasn't for my grandmother's funeral, i wouldn't have stopped. then after, i saw it 3 times again...)

watch it, it's the greatest story about an intergalactic struggle against the dark side that has been ever told. if you don't watch it, i will hunt you down...

********
note: 10 years before i post something again, huh? =p
poster credits: starwars.com

anong petsa na?

2005-04-29T16:55:00.000+08:00

song: seether feat. amy lee - broken

when was the last time i posted? shet ha, tagal ko na hindi nag-post. sorry talaga kasi hindi lang sa kadahilanang busy ako sa summer classes ay dahil na din sa slightly out of funds ako kaya hindi ako makabili ng internet card. poor kasi ako. X( wahaha! kapag hindi ako online, ang sobrang dami ng naiisip ko na gusto ko i-blog, pero kapag andito na, wala na, tinatamaan na ako ng katamaran.

anyways, kamusta na kayo? haha, si pau ko parang sinisipag sa blogging ngayon ah! baligtad na kami, siya yung dati ayaw mag-blog tapos ngayon ako na! anyways, miss you na! :)

share ko yung pics from nicole's 8th birthday party nung sunday. wow, so saya, nag-enjoy ako sa childern's party niya. sa jollibee las piñas ito. yung may katapat na mc donald's. hehe!

that's nicole, the birthday girl, and her cake. favorite cousin ko yan, kaya lang minsan sobra makakapit sa akin. kapag nakikita ako, nakayakap na kaagad at hindi na bibitaw kahit naglalakad na ako o kahit pupunta ako sa CR. hehe, pero love ko talaga yan. sweet yan at malambing kaya lang madalas maldita. sabi nila, kagaya ko daw nung bata pa ako. hehe! (hindi rin naman siya mahilig sa orange noh, mana lang talaga sa akin!)

haha, ayan... kadadating pa lang naming magpipinsan, nag-pipikchuran na. that's me, nicole, si michael (little bro ni nic), joice and lorraine (oldest sister ni nic).

iba talaga kapag galing ka sa mental noh? mana sa ate owi kasi.. hahaha!

naglalaro sila ng games! at first ayaw sumali ni mike sa games pero nung nakita niya na may kasamang balloons yung game, sumali na din. pinilit ko din kasi sumali. :)

haha, tignan mo si nicole, ang saya masyado! :) wag kayo, nag-perform yan si michael sa party! sumayaw siya ng full version ng TSOKOLATE! nabaliw kaming lahat! hehe!

ito lahat ang cousins ko sa side ng mom ko. yung 2 kumag sa likod, mga kapatid ko yan, yung bunso tapos kuya ko. then yung naka-stripes na pink (si lorraine), yung naka red shirt sa extreme left (si jean), and then si mike and nicole na nasa harap, sila magkakapatid. then yung 2 girls na naka gray and pink (jamie and joice), sila naman yung magkapatid. para kaming may mga sayad kapag magkakasama.

this is the whole family kasama si jollibee. hindi namin pinaligtas na hindi magpa-pikchur kasama si jabee!

i took all the pics of my cousins, i love taking their photos lalo na kapag tulog sila, or kumakain or tumatawa, pero favorite ko silang pikchuran while they are picking their noses... haha!

********
nic: jabee, bakit four lang fingers mo?
mike: baka naiwan niya dun sa mcdo!

because i am broken

2005-04-23T12:18:00.000+08:00

song: coldplay - the scientist

***ooh, it's been years since i last posted, let's have this in peach... ;) ok? enjoy friends!***

"called up to meet you, tell you i'm sorry, you don't know how lovely you are. i have to find you, tell you i need you... tell you i'll set you apart. tell me you're secrets, ask me a question, oh LET'S GO BACK TO THE START..."

nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part, nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it will be this hard... I'LL TAKE IT BACK TO THE START...

i will forever hail the person who could invent a real time machine. oh man, i'm having the worst heartbreak ever. you know, the most painful heartbreak of all is when it comes right after you're happy moments with the person, like it happened in a snap.

i don't know if the time will still come that i would meet a person that would make me happy. and i recalled that i kept on saying that if i come into a strike three regarding this matter, i'd rather give up my entire life. well folks, this is STRIKE THREE. i don't know if i could still handle a strike four though.

i'm so broken, everything about me.

anyways, i have a friend, who's been going through the same shit as i do. i love her to bits and i don't really want her to be hurt by anyone. i know that reality bites and ouch, but i'm certain we'll face this thing with unparallel strength. WE'LL MOVE ON TOGETHER. God has better plans than we have for ourselves. :)

(note: friend, magsilbi kang inspirasyon sa akin, ok? ;) we can do this, we've done this so many times and look at us now! haha!)

stop treating me like crap

2005-04-15T20:47:00.000+08:00

song: taking back sunday - things we'll never know

what happened today? i woke up around 5am, went to school, got ignored by some stupid shit, had a mc donald's lunch (happy me...) and went home. had oatmeal and orange soda for lunch (not quite a healthy and hearty meal, i knew i should've opted for the iced tea instead) and then read the newspaper. went to sleep around 2pm and woke up 6pm. so i'm happy... :)

i miss ronnie... i think he got disconnected sa YM. gawd, i wanted him so badly...

i took every chance

2005-04-11T22:51:00.000+08:00

song: nina - love moves in mysterious ways

today, i've had regrets of meeting you.

today, i've wished so hard that i never had to deal with you.

today, all i wanted is to turn back time and avoid you at that moment when i saw you walking towards me in that hallway.

today, i knew i shouldn't have taken a second glance at you when you placed your arms around my shoulders.

today, i realized i should never had allowed you to take me home.

i shouldn't have really memorized your name.

i shouldn't have really remembered your face.

pinagsisisihan ko lahat... sa ngayon...

baguhin mo naman please, nagmamakaawa ako sa 'yo...

i think it's happy day

2005-04-10T21:29:00.000+08:00

song: john mayer - man on the side

we went to glorietta today and we did some shopping, i bought some boots and fli-flops and other stuffs i need. my brother bought sneakers (again) and i saw these amazing trainers at nike. amazing... haha!

anyways, i'm going to share this wonderful YM conversation i had with my friend remi. man, that dude rocks. he's very special to me. :)

haha, pag-usapan daw ba si sadako. hehe. :)

something else to talk about

2005-04-09T23:39:00.000+08:00

song: john mayer - daughters

instead of endlessly talking about how boring and useful and ironic and depressing and messed-up my life is. something's bugging me to the last inch and i have to share my thoughts with you regarding this:

*supposedly a camila/prince charles picture*
this was never ever right

how could it be? in the first place, it was she who ruined the relationship of something that could be worked about. even though it's a common knowledge that prince charles and princess diana's marriage was not out of love, she should've acted her age and just accepted the fact that at that moment she and charles would never ever get off at all. if it wasn't for her persistent self to get charles or to be with charles, a person as dynamic as diana wouldn't have ended like that. my point is that, even though the charles-diana marriage was entirely an "almost lie" her adding in the picture wouldn't cause charles to do such actions that would have ended the marriage.

i hate to say this for it's really cruel and judgemental, but compared to princess diana, camilla parker-bowles is nothing.

and now she gets a title.

mamatay na lahat ng snatchers/magnanakaw/holdaper sa pilipinas!!

2005-04-04T00:14:00.000+08:00

song: john mayer - man on the side

what a day it was yesterday... err, no, today is monday already so yesterday was sunday, and the day before that was saturday. cut the crap! what i am gonna talk about was what happened last saturday. it was a total mishap.

i lost my wallet, or better yet someone stole it.

do you ever consider having to beg a jeepney driver for a free ride because you've realized that your wallet got stolen by some psycho-maniac that sat beside you on the FX when you've already boarded the jeepney? and you were crying for that matter, crying really hard. oh my holy cow! i swear it was all "kapal ng mukha" i did just to save my ass. i know i would be in more serious trouble if i try not to pay the fare, so i'll do the lesser evil.

i was actually on my way to UST because jevinne and i are gonna meet up there and go to remi's house together for his birthday. and while i was the jeepney, and i already knew about my misfortune, i don't know what else to do and i was trying to hold my tears back. but i texted jevinne to call me in my cellphone, in all hopes and crossed-fingers (hands and toes) that it would be sent kasi wala akong load! i knew i spent the last peso the morning earlier for a message to annelle, but i thought God had a hand on this, the message was sent! i was so anxious that when my phone rang, i cried! and i told jevinne i don't have any fare because my wallet was stollen that had 500 bucks in it! in whick the 400 pesos was my mother's money.

so there, after begging and a very uncalled for "drama scene" in the jeepney, i arrived at UST and cried an awful lot alone until jevinne arrived. i fucking swear i was so scared and afraid. it doesn't end there my friends, the real problem came when it's finally time that i told my parents about it. and you don't want to hear that story for sure.

so there, the next problem comes later this day. i thought, sa masamang nangyari na 'yun and getting my clearance form, just to know i did fail math, ano na lang gagawin sa akin ng mommy ko, di ba? nakakatakot! what i was planning was to have cha come over here in the morning to get my ID and an authorization letter so that jevinne could get it for me, and then she'd just tell me kung bagsak nga ako. then i wouldn't have to tell my mom. pa-good shot muna ako until my grades arrive in the mail na lang.

GOD, SANA PO 3.0 AKO SA DISCRETE MATH.

:'( it's so sad. i have so many problems.

para sa mga batang babagsak sa subjects nila

2005-04-02T00:53:00.000+08:00

song: alicia keys - diary

sometimes, i come to a very strange thinking... what am i gonna do with my life? and i really don't know. i have no idea of how am i gonna spend this existence.

grabe, bakit ako ganito?

KASI SOBRANG NATATAKOT AKO BAKA FAILED AKO SA DISCRETE MATH!!!

yun lang yata ang dahilan at kung bakit ako napa-praning ng ganito. shet dude! if i fail my math102c, i swear, i'm gonna go nuts. i already told my mom i'm gonna fail; and she's just, "oh no, that's bad! you failed math?" and mind you, she's still calm. i really don't know what's gonna happen if april 4 comes and it is proved that i did fail it.

will she scream her head off on me?

will she let me go to school for another semester?

will she still talk to me?

and will she still go on with the plans regarding my 18th birthday?

may God help me. i am just human, i do know it's not really good to fail at a subject when you are in your college level. but what i wanted is to be given a chance (even though yet i did not go by what we agreed on last sem, that if i get a single 3.0 grade, i would stop going to school. (hence, i got three 3.0s) but still she sent me to school) and to be forgiven for whatever wrong i did.

please help me... sobrang nababagabag ang damdamin ko!

it's not that my parents are pressuring me (like what everybody says, and sometimes i think the same way too) or they have really high expectations (i think this is probable) but it's just that... i really don't know... maybe they're really unreasonable now.

minsan, naiisip ko, nakakainggit yung mga ibang classmates ko na kahit may subajects sila na na-fail, their parents still send them to school, they don't threat them of making them PMAers (commonly known "Pahinga Muna Anak") nor scare them about anything, and better yet, threaten their lives and future. (i was just kidding) of course, hindi mo naman maaalis sa parents mo na magalit di ba? pero sana natatapos na ang lahat sa sigawan, sa sabihan ng masasakit na salita sa anak nila (i.e. "ang tanga mo naman!" "eh kung nag-aaral ka pala, bakit ganyan grade mo?" "sayang ang pera sa tuition sayo!" et al) at pagbigyan na ang pangyayari.

sana ganoon parents ko sa akin. pero pramis, natatakot na talaga ako.

sa totoo lang, wala kasi silang idea kung anong hirap ang pinagdadaanan natin. akala kasi nila yung college nung panahon nila ay tulad pa rin ng ngayon. pero kahit anong dahilan ang gawin mo, meron pa rin silang ipangtatapat na sagot sayo. (haaay... mga magulang talaga!)

ano ba ang gagawin ko?

(note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PARENG REMI!!!)

oh boy oh boy

2005-03-30T22:32:00.000+08:00

song: sugarfree - habang atin ang gabi

"para hindi na tayo bibitaw..."

i'm so unfortunate, and i am really hungry. i don't even know why i'm starving myself. oh yeah, i forgot! i have a really bad case of sore throat! i really don't know if it's called that, but it's just my throat's hurting like hell! i can't even talk straight or even gulp, and yes, eat! oh man...

this summer is a bummer. i really got nothing else better to do that wake up 11am the earliest and then cook lunch for my mom asks me to, and then go back to bed by 1pm. i haven't even got to eat lunch for a week already. i'm so depressed.

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE IGNORE ME.

i almost had you and i didn't even know it

2005-03-27T12:10:00.000+08:00

song: bowling for soup - almost

haha! i found this perfect song that encapsulates almost all of the things i feel for "him" right now. read on, bowling for soup rocks! try some of their songs also, like 1985. it's worth a listen. :)

I almost got drunk at school at 14
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen
Who almost went on to be miss texas
But lost to a slut with much bigger breasts
I almost dropped out to move to LA
Where I was almost famous for almost a day

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn’t cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wished you would’ve loved me too

I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more
Cause I almost got popped for a fight with a thug
Cause he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cause you ran away
And I wish I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn’t cut it
Almost had you
And I didn’t even know it

You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I SPENT MY TIME MISSING YOU
I almost wish you would’ve loved me too

Here I go thinking about all the things I could’ve done
I’m gonna need a forklift cause all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we’ve had our problems I can’t remember one

I almost forgot to say something else
And if I can't fit it in, I’ll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all open and I threw it away

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn’t cut it
Almost had you
And I didn’t even know it

You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I SPENT MY TIME MISSING YOU
And I almost had you

I ALMOST WISHED YOU WOULD'VE LOVED ME TOO!

it's a wonder love can make the world go round

2005-03-22T23:25:00.000+08:00

song: eraserheads - with a smile (actually, nagdudugo na ilong ng mga tao dito sa bahay kasi ito na lang laging naka-play, haha!)

ok, ano na ba ang meron sa world!?!?!

ABA'T MADAMI! haha!

let me open this post with a line from my favorite song sa ngayon...

"in a world where everybody hates a happy-ending story, it's wonder love can make the world go round but don't let it bring you down, turn your face into a frown, get along with a little prayer and this song..."

oh, ayos ba? hehe! sige umpisahan ko na ang kwento. the last day of school went, uhh, fine? haha, yeah! i had to worry so much about my math subject. tae naman niya talaga kung ibabagsak niya ako noh! ang nangyari was, it was our physics exams, and then nakaka-windang yung lab exam! waaaa! wala akong alam! haha! but i think i'll go on fine naman. so there... most of our classmates went home immediately after nila mag-test. adik yung mga yun, umuwi agad! haha! then yung iba naman nag-jamming pa sa mansion nila nilord. then niyaya din nila ako sumama, i was like: "kapag sumama si jevinne, sasama ako." pero si jevinne naman, "kapag kasama si owi, sasama ako." haha! labo noh? so ang nangyari, nagtanungan na lang kami "ano ba ang gagawin natin doon?" so wala naman. hindi na kami sumama. then sabi ng kumag na second year na galing comp. sci. eh may announcement daw after ng exams. kumag nya, 4 na lang kami natira na naghihintay, naglaho na yung announcement niya! kaya ayun, umiral yung malakas naming trip (by the way, that's me, jevinne, jack patatas and pat patatas) at napag-usapan namin na tumambay muna sa mall (either sa RP, or SM manila, or sa SM north) tutal may dalang car yung 2 patatas, tag-isa pa kami ni jevinne ng sakay! haha! kaya lang, sa dapitan lang din natuloy ang lahat-lahat. nyahaha! so ayun, masaya naman kasi naging parte na naman ng last day ko ang "pinaka-importanteng tao sa buhay ko". kahit hindi sobrang memorable yung event, ayos lang. basta nandoon siya, di ba?

in one word: AYOS!

pagkatapos niyan, bakasyon na! hahaha! grabe, ewan ko ba if i should be excited about it or not. kasi naman, kapag hindi ko kasama "yung taong yun" siya at siya na lang ang iniisip ko. grabe, i give so much time and effort just thinking about one person. nakakabaliw! hay...

stop ko muna kwento. balak ko sana eh mag-drama sa post na ito, kaya lang, ayan, wala na... haha! dramahan tayo bukas!

anong petsa na! haha!

lalalalalaland... nyahaha!

2005-03-15T11:26:00.000+08:00

song: rivermaya - liwanag sa dilim

masaya na naman ako. haha! ewan ko kung bakit. pero, feel ko yung na-aappreciate ako ng isang importanteng tao. sobra. hehe! first day pala ng finals ngayon. at i think slightly tagilid ako sa discrete math namin. nyahaha! so there's nothing to be happy about din pala in the first place. haha! ano kayang mangyayari sa last day ng school? hmmm... i wonder talaga. sana maging memorable yung last day. hehe! asa pa ako.

Bakit di ko maamin sa iyo?
Ang tunay na awitin ng loob ko
Di ko nais mabuhay pa kung wala sa piling mo
Ngunit di ko pa rin maamin sa iyo

Di malaman ang sasabihin 'pag kaharap ka
Ngunit nililingon naman pag dumaraan na
O ang laking pagkakamali
Kung di niya malalaman
Sa awitin kong ito ipadarama

La la la la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la la
Sa awitin kong ito ipadarama

At kung ako'y lumipas at limot na
Ang awitin kong ito'y alaala ka
Awitin ng damdamin ko sa iyo maiiwan
Sa pagbulong ng hangin ng nakaraan
O sa pagbulong ng hangin ng nakaraan

La la la la la la
La la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la
Sa awitin kong ito ipadarama

bakit 'di ko maamin sa iyo?

2005-03-12T18:50:00.000+08:00

song: regine velasquez and jay durias - ang aking awitin

dapat ba na sabihin? hindi pa ba nakikita? hindi pa ba nararamdaman? gago ako nang sabihin ko na kaya ko lahat ito. pero hindi ako nagkamali nung sabihin ko na masaya ako sa 'yo. hindi ako nagsisinungaling na ikaw ang mundo at buhay ko nagyon. sana wala kang pinagsisisihan sa lahat ng ito. dahil ako, kung ibabalik ang lahat, mas gugustuhin ko na mangyari na lang silang lahat ulit.

sana masaya ka din sa akin. yun lang ang gusto kong malaman galing sa iyo.

a wonderful story

2005-03-08T21:29:00.000+08:00

song: spongecola - jeepney

(note: found this on someone else's blog, and i actually thought it was romantic. so here you go..)

*******
From the very beginning, the girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if he were to be with him.

Due to family pressure, the couple quarrel very often. Though the girl love the guy deeply, but she always ask him: "How deep is your love for me?"

As the guy is not good with his words, this often cause the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vent her anger on him. As for him, he only endure it in silence. After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies abroad. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?"

The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them marry. So before he leaves, they got engaged.

The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it's hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mom crying, she wanted tocomfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She has lost her voice.

The doctors says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to herparents' comfort, but with nothing coming out fromher, she broke down. During the stay in hospital, besides silent cries, it's still just silent cries that accompanied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, and countless of phonecalls, all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying..

The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy. With a new environment, the girl learned sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.

A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When sheopen the letter, she saw her name in it instead.
When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language telling her, "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You."

With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger.

The girl finally smiled.
*******

ang buhay nga naman

2005-03-04T21:10:00.000+08:00

song: good charlotte - i just wanna live

wow! ilang years na din pala akong hindi nakakapag-post! haha, wenk! anyways, sobrang busy at toxic lang talaga sa school at sobrang dami din ng problemang personal na dapat asikasuhin. kaya eto, nabubuhay na lang ako sa kakaisip ng mga problema ko. haaay...

teka, bakit problema ba pinag-uusapan natin? anyways, kwento na lang ako tungkol sa mga bagay na napag-iisip ko sa loob ng mga nakaraang araw. (nakampuch, tagalog lahat ah! haha!)

sa nakalipas na ilang araw, at ilang araw na lang din eh, bakasyon na. pakiramdam ko ayaw kong mag-bakasyon. gusto ko sa uste lang. masaya ako kapag nandoon ako. ewan ko ba. enjoy ko ang buhay ko sa college. siguro eto na yung exchange ni God sa akin kasi super sad ng highschool ko. (hindi naman sa sinasabi ko na hindi masaya ang barkada ko nung high school. astig nga yun eh. ang ibig ko sabihin, academically, hindi talaga ako nag-enjoy. puro frustrations kasi eh.) may certain attachment na ako sa school na yun at sa mga classmates ko, lalo na sa barkada ko na parang gusto ko araw-araw na lang ng buhay ko share ko sa kanila. pero hindi naman pwede yun. ang alam ko, sobrang ma-miss ko talaga yung mga kumag na yun sa summer. =p

una sa lahat, may work pala ako sa summer. yes my dear friends, you heard me right. MAGHAHANAP PO AKO NG TRABAHO NA MAPAPASUKAN HABANG KAYONG LAHAT AY MASAYANG NAGBABAKASYON. kailangan kumita ng sapat na pera para matustusan ko ang pangangailangan ng aking pamilya at ang dumadami ko pang luho (at listahan ng utang) sa buhay. haha! XD

siguro sa call center ako papasok, malaki daw pay dun eh. haha! gimik sa first paycheck! (wenk! ang feeling na noh!)

ok, change topic na tayo friendships.

pag-usapan na natin ang "pinaka-importanteng tao sa buhay ko". wenk...

ayun, the same pa rin naman. puro pa-cute lang alam naming gawin. pero masasabi ko na masaya ako kapag kasama ko siya. hindi na importante kung anong meron bukas para sa amin or sa akin. ang importante, MASAYA ako kapag kasama ko siya. wala na akong pakialam at hindi ko na iniisip kung ano na ba talaga ang meron sa aming dalawa. (pramis, kasi nakakapagod na yun eh)

pero for sure, ayoko siya mawala sa buhay ko na ito. pero lately sa mga naririnig ko sa kanya, parang darating ang araw na mahihiwalay na siya sa 'kin. kaya kahit sabihin niyang mga plano lang yun, inihahanda ko na ang sarili ko sa pagkakataon na iyon. walang nakakaalam tungkol dito, hindi pa naman siya sobrang issue para sa akin. pero darating din ang araw na wala na akong iisipin kung hindi ang araw na mawawala na siya sa buhay ko. :'(

oh well, that's life 'di ba? c'est la vie.

what i have in mind

2005-02-27T17:38:00.000+08:00

song: janet jackson - again

I heard from a friend today
And she said you were in town
Suddenly the memories came back to me in my mind
How can I be strong?
I’ve asked myself
Time and time
I’ve said
That I’ll never fall in love with you again
A wounded heart you gave
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did
I come from a place that hurts
And God knows how I’ve cried
And I never want to return
Never fall again

Making love to you
Oh it felt so good and
Oh so right

So here we are alone again
Didn’t think it’d come to this
And to know it all began
With just a little kiss
I’VE COME TOO CLOSE TO HAPPINESS
TO HAVE IT SWEPT AWAY
Don’t think I can take the pain
No never fall again

Kinda late in the game and my heart is in
Your hands
Don’t you stand there and then
Tell me you love
Me then leave again
Cause I’m falling in love with you again

Hold me
Hold me
Don’t ever let me go
Say it just one time
Say you love me
God knows I do
Love you
Again

kwento lang muna dito...

2005-02-17T18:33:00.000+08:00

song: i don't care

dapat noon ko pa pala ito binanggit dito, pero anyways, it's better to be late than never do it.

wow 'di ba? john won song of the year and best male pop vocal performance (ewan ko kung tama yung sequence nung words dun sa last award na binaggit ko) both for the song daughters. astig ng kanta na yun! nung una talaga walang impact sa akin yun eh, walang dating, pero yun pa pala mananalo ng grammy's! hahaha! I'M SO PROUD OF JOHN! wahaha! feeling girlfriend ako noh!?!

anyways, sobrang kakapagod itong araw na ito. thursday is PE day and basketball na naman. kakapikon yung ibang gilrs na kalaban namin. tama talaga na kapag girls ang nag-aaway, ibang klase, puro salitaan at they trash-talk sa court! unbelievable! kababaeng mga tao nila, sila pa nag-tatrash-talk! nung second quarter, mga a minute and 33 seconds na lang, pagtalon ko, nagka-cramps ako. sobrang sakit pala yun! tapos may ibang guys pa who were making fun of me, kaya kahit pinipigilan ko umiyak sa sakit, napaiyak ako sa insulto nila. they kept on shouting pa "yung star player injured!" kakainis talaga. even though i prided myself to have scored almost all the points of the team, i take that as a kind of pang-aasar. tangina nilang lahat, makikita nila hinahanap nila! buti na lang jeric was there, he was by my side para maging basahan sa pag-iyak ko at he was holding my hand. kaka-touch, thanks so much talaga!

ayun... haha, gusto niyo ba pag-usapan yung "special someone" ko at kung ano na ang update sa amin? wag na lang... (wag ka na! haha!) basta MASAYA ako, and that's all you need to know. hehe! YM mo na lang ako kung curious ka talaga. (teka, tama ba spelling ko? haha!)

engineering week nga din pala. pero wala naman masyadong happening na importante sa buhay ko. anyways, sampi lang naman ang IT sa college of engineering eh. drama... :)

i repeat: MASAYA AKO!

post-valentime's post

2005-02-16T13:27:00.000+08:00

song: none (i'm in the computer lab having my lessons!)

astig! haha! masaya naman and i've quite did everything i listed on my valentime's checklist. nothing really disappointing but nothing to be sure and certain about either.

anyways, moreover... how would you feel if a certain change happens in your barkada? wala lang... may nangyayaring something na ganyan now eh. pero i think, better yun, kaysa naman ganoon pa rin pero deep inside alam niyong lahat na hindi na maganda ang relationship. haaaay, ok na ako sa set-up ng barkada ko ngayon. wala na sanang madagdag as much as possible or mas lalo na ayaw ko na may maalis pa ulit.

i'm a very happy person now. be super proud of me! :)

tangina

2005-02-12T14:32:00.000+08:00

song: diane warren - don't wanna be your friend

tangina, sira na naman PC ko! ampootah naman oh! wahehe! sobrang foul ba ng mga words na ginamit ko? wala kayo magagawa blog ko toh! haha! joke! anyways, magulo na masaya ang buhay ko for the pasr few days. lapit na VALENTIME'S noh? tsk tsk, share niyo naman plans niyo for v-day! post kayo sa shout box! =p

ang plano ko for valentimes...

* i want to to go out with someone... and i've had it planned on my mind. sikreto na lang kung sino yun! haha!
* maglinis ng napakagulo ko na kwarto.
* perhaps try fixing my computer.
* go to baywalk 5am!
* then watch a movie with that "someone", mga 2 movies pwede na siguro.
* tapos, i want to have dinner sa may italianni's! nyahaha! ewan ko ba, basta na-feel ko gusto ko kumain dun! hehe!

so i guess hindi naman gaano malungkot ang valentimes ko. para nga hindi pa fit yung mga balak ko gawin sa loob ng isang araw eh! haha!

mamaya pala eh pupunta ko sa lova palooza at mang-ookray! hahahahaha!

i'm a f*****g failure!

2005-02-02T21:36:00.000+08:00

song: 3 doors down - let me go

before i make kwento why i think i'm such a failure yet again (!!!)

"you love me, but you don't know who i am. i'm torn between this life i lead and where i stand. you love me, but you don't know who i am. so let me go..."

i was supposed to post kanina during our ICS lab kasi internet was available for use. but you have to sneak out. when iw as to start typing na, our professor asked us to start coding the program. so i did. but little did i know, it's going to be the end of me.

i did not finish the program. i got the lowest score because i was last to leave the room. in all honesty, i wasn't really thinking on how i could do the program, i was so frustrated and yes... so tinatamad! my brain was so washed out, all i did was cry when i couldn't take it any longer. and there, my first ever failing grade in all the exercises. damn! when i got out of the room, i felt so ashamed that my classmates had to convince me that it was all normal. but couldn't stop crying. sama talaga ng loob ko eh.

haaaaay... so much lessons learned in a day...

(note: eat this shit!)

#include
main()
{
int x,y,n;
clrscr();
printf("Enter a number: ");
scanf("%d", &n);
for (x=0;x<=1;x++)
{
for (x=1,y=n;x<=n,y>=1; x++,y-=1)
{
printf("%d", x);
x++;
}
}
for (x=n,y=1;x>=1,y<=n; x--,y++)
printf("%d", x);
getch();
}

a fairy tale

2005-01-29T19:54:00.000+08:00

song: usher - caught up

i just saw ever after tonight and i must say, it's an all-time favorite. isn't it amazing how one can fall for a fairy tale all seemed to be reality? sometimes i wanted to live in one and never come back to what's real. but the catch is, fairy tales doesn't even exist.

i want to fall in love this way.

i realized something amazing today

2005-01-28T21:08:00.000+08:00

song: mymp - a little bit

as valentine's day (or how i call it "araw ng mga baliw") fast approaches, i suddenly came into a thinking while sweeping the floor of my room. it's just two weeks to go, and i thought i haven't spent a single february 14 without being bitter, though i keep on pretending i am not bitter. i've had my share of telenovela-esque love stories even at the very, very young age of... what? 17? i've always felt it would be the end of me whenever i try to see if that person i love is loving me back. i always think that it's just me. i just wanted someone to tell me that i am the world to him. that's all i need, and then i could die.

in a layman's word: i am a pathetic hopeless romantic.
(even my guy bestfriend calls me a hopeless nutcase)

so what is it in valentime's day that everyone just gets so sucked up on love? the answer is because love is all you need.

at kahit baligtarin ko man ang mundo, wala akong magagawa kung hindi ang maghintay ng tamang tao na darating sa akin.

today, i'm giving my share of a "love-me-or-love-me-not" kind of story to the world. i admit, i am in love with someone now. and that someone is definitely taking me for granted. i don't even know why i love him, i don't even know what it is that made me fall. (and the other "how did i love you" whatnots) but all i want right now (and desperately needing it) is to be loved back by that someone. but i guess i have my "one in a billion" chance. because he seemed too far to care for that matter. even though, i still promised myself to be with him and to be cool with him no matter how this thing works out. (though for the past weeks, i've been irritated by the mere sight of him) it's so hard. even one day, i was looking at him from afar while we were hanging out in the basketball gym. i was on top of the bleacher's standing and he was down there watching the other guys play ball. as i stare into him, i felt so tired. and nothing more. so i guess, that'd be the end of it. (but i said i'd give up a lot of times before)

one thing is damn for sure, love is a very complex situation and you better not mess with it. just love unconditionally and accept anything you put into risk. what's meant is meant. and nothing can change that. even fate or destiny has no way of meddling on what "fate and destiny" also has made.

keep loving... you'll never know who will love you in return.

look ma! i stole yahoo!'s homepage!

2005-01-28T01:13:00.000+08:00

song: parokya ni edgar - harana

lookie! we have a new layout! haha! fun isn't it? look's like yahoo. didn't quite take time doing this... but i'm happy by the way it looks at excited na ako to go blogging again. nyahaha! kaya lang there's trouble with the alignment of the text and pictures. but anyways, it's just small stuff, i'll figure that out later.

no classes tomorrow

mom's birthday

yeah!

the last thing i need

2005-01-26T20:59:00.000+08:00

song: the dresden dolls - coin operated boy

the last thing i need is to be taken for granted by someone i love. it damn hurts like hell when you just start to both ignore each other. it sucks bigtime.

split screen sadness
john mayer

and i don't know where you went when you left me but
says here in the water you must be gone by now
i can tell somehow
one hand on the trigger of the telephone
wondering when the call comes
where you ay it's alright
you got your heart right

maybe i'll sleep inside my coat and
wait on the porch 'til you come back home
oh, right, i can't find a flight
we share the sadness
split screen sadness

two wrongs make it all alright tonight

'all you need is love' is a lie cause
we had love but we still said goodbye
now we're tired, battered fighters
and it stings when it's nobody's fault
cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name
it's only the air you took and the breath you left

so maybe i'll sleep inside my coat and
wait on the porch 'til you come back home
oh, right, i can't find a flight
so i'll check the weather wherever you are
cause i wanna know if you can see the stars tonight
it might be my only right
we share the sadness
split screen sadness

i called
because
i just
need to feel you on the line
don't hang up this time
and i know it was me who called it over but
i still ish you'd fought me 'til your dying day
don't let me get away
cause i can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me
so i can say this is the way that i used to be
there's no substitute for time
or for the sadness

split screen sadness
we share the sadness

naglilihi

2005-01-20T22:49:00.000+08:00

song: spongecola - lunes

it's late and i only have one thing in mind:

I HAVE NOT HIT MY BOOKS YET!

and

ok... make that two things actually... haha! too bad, walang ben & jerry's dito! bukas, foodtrip kami nina remi, jec at jack sa mga fishbolan at kikiaman at tuhugan doon sa asturias! bwahaha!

and maybe, you're gonna be the one who saves me

2005-01-16T15:39:00.000+08:00

song: oasis - wonderwall

when was my last post?

gahh!! everything's so toxicated!! anyways, moving on...

okay, i wanted to do some long post right now but honestly i don't have anything in mind... oh, prelims are coming up next week. maybe that's the only sensible thing coming around right now. i'm a bit of a confused and lost person myself.

school
everything's going on just as fine and, yeah... there. i studied the whole weekend (last weekend) for our philippine history, because i have nothing yet better to do those days. but guess what happened, i flunked! grrr! it just seemed i wasted my precious afternoon studying! and oh... i just have to share this. we're going to have class trip to corregidor! hahaha! that'd be on february 7 and i am nothing but excited! last field trip ko was grade 6 pa... so poor little me... =p hehe!

friendships and the likes
yeah, i think my friends are doing great. i have been chatting up with my old friends lately, if not on the phone, but on YM. ahhh, the wonders of friendster. i've been calling them up after classes, texting them, and they call me up or text me most of the time also.

yeah. so that's it.

i never felt so good...

2005-01-04T19:52:00.000+08:00

song: regine velasquez - minsan lang kita iibigin

whew! patrick and i already finished off with our case study project! a whopping program! wahaha! i never felt this sense of achievement before. i single-handedly conquered the world of Turbo C and C++ Programming! hahahaha!

gets(a);
strcpy(a,strupr(a));

do you actually understand this? i bet not... =P

anyways, i really have a good feeling about how i started the year. like they say, start the year right! haha! i have never felt happiness as real as this. i never felt so comfortable. i never felt so great about myself. aaaaah! i wanna burst into pieces, i cannot explain this joyous feeling!

haaaaaaay... life is so good...

(note: nique, thanks! i think i'ma really have a sampung tama, isang mali year! happy new year din pala! take care!)

isang tama, sampung mali... ganyan ako pumili

2005-01-02T18:54:00.000+08:00

song: wala na akong mp3s! huhuh!

i'm the most unfortunate person on earth!

parang ako yung hari ng sablay. hinding-hindi makasabay... sabay sa hangin ng aking buhay... hala, kumanta na.

it's the year 2005 na, and i can sum up my year in just one simple line from that song:

isang tama, sampung mali... ganyan ako pumili...

very much true. i've made a lot of huge mistakes the past year. feeling ko eh, araw-araw na lang, mas madaming wrong decisions akong nagagawa kaysa sa right. i've taken so much fun at everything i do. i was so desperate in being happy that's why i was capable of faking happiness everyday. but this year, i have only a few things to write down that i will do for the year ahead. and this is not a resolution for the new year. (resolutions, i should say, are really a pain in the ass!)

i will be more responsible for everything in my life and i do.
i will be true to myself.
i want to be less "ma-drama".
i will be realistic.
i will love myself, my family and my friends to the fullest.
i will be more strong-willed and determined in every action.
i will improve myself emotionally, intellectually, physically and spiritually.

cheers for a better me! wish me all good luck for this year. i have a feeling it'll be a great one. i hope you guys will have the same. :)

ayoko na mag-sorry, ayoko na magsisi... pasensya ka na, madali lang talaga akong mataranta...

i'm so bleep pissed off...

2004-12-29T22:04:00.000+08:00

song: kitchie nadal - wag na wag mong sasabihin

really, i'm so annoyed and pissed off... eh paano ba naman? i still have a case study to do, and i'm with a partner. sadly, itong ka-partner ko, i think, has no time for the project. i look like some tanga person constantly begging him to come over and start with our project. and he always kept on saying "yes" and not mean it. and then he's busy with his "scheduled" holiday activities! and he goes on like eveything's okay, and that nothing should be worried about! where are his priorities?

ugh! i hate it! papansin siya!

have yourself a...

2004-12-25T01:54:00.000+08:00

merry christmas!

pasko na, sinta ko...

2004-12-23T23:30:00.000+08:00

song: new found glory - glory of love

can you believe it? i wouldn't probably know it's christmas if it wasn't for the weather...

seriously, it doesn't even feel like it's christmas. so annoying. everybody's busy remembering and whining about how hard the times are now. why can't just everybody pull off of the moment and say: "putangina, pasko na pala! hapi-hapi tayo mga dudepare!"

'di ba?

it's like, christmas comes only once in freaking year! tapos ganito pa attitude natin towards the season? unbelievable... hindi naman nasusukat ang pasko sa dami ng handa o kung saksakan 'man ng dami sa regalo. i know it's a cliche, pero totoo naman. filipinos have to live by this everytime the holidays come. 'yan ang dapat matutunan first and foremost ng mga pinoy, na hindi importante kung mayaman ka o mahirap kapag pasko. mahalaga na yung family mo kasama mo sa noche buena. na alam mo na hindi ka iiwan ng pamilya mo sa kahit anong panahon at sa kahit anong problema o gulo.

matuto sana tayo...

hotness...

2004-12-21T01:57:00.000+08:00

song: nsync - kiss me at midnight

honestly, what's so appealing with guys who wears pink?!?!

this, my friends, is the answer.

incredible... @_@ haha!

napanood ninyo ba lovers in paris kanina? grabe, wish ko lang na ako yun noh!

almost christmas...

2004-12-19T23:47:00.000+08:00

song: parokya ni edgar - harana

christmas tree sa uste nung paskuhan. ganda noh? ('yan nga ba 'yun?)

malapit na ang pasko, pero hindi mo ba paulit-ulit na iniisip kung ano talaga ito?

para sa akin, ang christmas, isang araw lang yan. pero, parang it serves a purpose for people to think of something good about sa kapwa nila. sa totoo lang, nobody know's yung kailan exactly pinanganak si jesus. according to mary ellen chase, "christmas is not a date, it is a state of mind." very true, i agree so much.

naisip ko rin; happiness is not an opportunity, it is a choice.

i always think that i'm forever a pathetic loser just waiting in a corner for someone to appreciate me. pero hindi, i am a wonderful creature of God.

bottom line: i hope you guys will have the merriest holidays of all!

unbelievable!

2004-12-12T10:25:00.000+08:00

song: none at the moment (baby colin is sleeping in my room)

"Do you know what?
Girls often dream about this..
Where she feels like a withered flower..
Surrounded by all these fabulous people..
Then out of nowhere..
This PRINCE on a white horse,
Calls her name,
Holds her shoulder,
Gently touches her hair,
And walks her home..
But..
That is too perfect.."
- Kang Tae Young, Pari Ui Yeon In

(note: OMG..)

certified ADIK

2004-12-12T08:49:00.000+08:00

song: rivermaya - umaaraw, umuulan

let me introduce to you my latest addiction

don't know what it is? go figure...

it takes 4 to tango...

2004-12-11T20:24:00.001+08:00

song: switchfoot - you

what a day! my gaz balbaz! hehe, saturday... may classes ako... so yun! hehe! anyways, balak sana namin gumala ngayon, pero due to unavoidable circumstances, 'di na kami tumuloy. so ang ginawa naming apat na magigiting na mag-aaral ng UST eh, we went to the national library para tapusin na namin yung project namin sa phil hist. isa lang ang masasabi ko...

KAMOTE!

kamote talaga, kasi ba naman, pinagod kami to the nth level! here goes the specific details of what we did:

11:30am: sibat na ng uste! then punta na ng TNL. napagalaman namin na kinakailangan pa pala ng library card, eh heller, wala kami ng ganyan! so sabi sa amin maghintay sapagkat maguumpisa lamang ang registration ng 1:00pm!
12:00nn-1:00pm: tambay sa luneta park! masaya pala dun! hehe, at shempre nag-pikchuran na naman kami. pagsama-samahin mo daw ba ang mga adik sa pag-picture sa sarili. ako, si yome, si jevinne (ang pinaka-adik sa lahat), at si kuya popo! kamote! tapos, nakita namin na ang daming birds na lumlipad-lipad lang around. "why do birds suddenly appear, everytime you are near? just like me, they long to be, close to you-huhuhu..." hehe!
1:00pm: balik na sa TNL at pumila at kumha ng mga forms at nagsulat. tapos, nagbayad na kami ng 50 pesoses (ang mahal! hehe!) para sa fee.
1:30pm-4:30pm: at nagumpisa na ang kalbaryo. kukunin mo lahat ng editorials ng philippine daily inquirer for the year 2002. then for every person, 15 copies lang ang allowed mo muna kunin, and then hahanapin namin dun yung editorial tapos ibaba namin at ipapa-photocopy. buti na lang at mabait sa manong xerox dun, kundi badtrip na! kasi pipila ka pa para magpa-photocopy! and then, aakyat ka na ulit and back to procedure 1. siguro mga 6 rounds kami na ganyan. kamote, kakapagod! natapos kami ng 4:30pm na! pagkatapos, mga mukha na kaming PG! as in Patay Gutom! hehehe!

oh, 'di ba nakakamatay yang gawain na yan? 'di bale, ibabawi namin yan sa monday! galaan na sa monday! hehe!

4:30am wonders

2004-12-07T19:23:00.000+08:00

song: new found glory - don't wanna miss a thing

i woke up 4:30am and i went out of the house 5:30am. it's too early, but i guess it's a nice time to rediscover the world again...

i have 7:00am classes and it's really unusual to see outside to be dark, almost like 12:00mn... so, i walked out, sumakay sa jeep at... natuklasan ko na may christmas lights sa parañaque! UNBELIEVABLE! uso na pala maglagay ng ilaw dito! haha! but from the view sa jeep, it was amazing... like stars were magnified from the heavens and they have different colors to match... really amazing, you should've been there. :)

and then, pagsakay ng FX, super dali lang din! hanep nga eh, 'di man lang ako naghintay ng 5 minutes para makasakay. then, dumaan sa may baywalk, and the sky's turning to some kind of grayish blue... lumiliwanag na ng konti. and all the lights in baywalk were really complementing the backdrop of the bay and the sky... really wonderful, and you should've been there again.

and i thought i should've brought a camera with me always, you'll never know when you'll see things as wonderful as these again nowadays. john mayer's song 3x5 keeps on running through my mind as i type this.

it was such a glorious morning. i think i want to experience it again tomorrow...

i think...

2004-12-06T19:50:00.000+08:00

song: none for the meantime

i need to understand the world
i need time
i am in big truoble
i am so in-love
of nothing else but my problems
i am not optimistic at the moment
i need money
i must be happy
i will never be happy
i am so confused
i have huge problems
i need broader shoulders to carry the burden of the world!

i'm a dedicated blogger

2004-12-06T11:07:00.000+08:00

song: nsync - the only gift

it was a hard night last night... but someone made me smile... thank you very much.

i took some quizzes, haha! they're quite cute! look at 'em!

I'M A VISIONARY SOUL
you are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul.
you are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.
you have great vision and can be very insightful.
in fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
you are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

gusto ko na mabasa ito ng buong mundo

2004-12-05T21:56:00.000+08:00

song: brian mcknight & justin timberlake - my kind of girl

mababasa nga, 'di naman maiintindihan... tagalog eh...

wow, ang drama naman ng life ko sa araw na ito. sobrang emotional... naiiyak na lang ako, parang ganun. gusto ko malaman ng sangkatauhan na:

PAHALAGAHAN NIYO NAMAN AKO!

shet man! pakiramdam ko talaga, wala na ako silbi sa world na ito! kamoteng life! bakit ba ganun, sa lahat na lang ng gagawin ko, walang nakaka-appreciate.

ito pa ang isang malaking tanong: BAKIT GANITO ANG NARARAMDAMAN KO NGAYON?

sa buong tanan ng buhay ko, 'di ko pa nararamdaman yung mapahalagahan. yung feeling na importante ka sa isang tao, na ikaw yung mundo para sa kanya. siguro napaka-saya ng feeling na yun.

*babaw thoughts for the day*

natututo na mag-hang yung PC ko. (amf! X( grrr!)
mahal ko na talaga si *bleep* kahit anong gawin ko.
wala na naman akong gagawin bukas kung hindi mag-YM.
miss ko na si chris richard baylon.
naalala ko yung mga ginagawa namin dati, sobrang saya ko kapag kasama ko yun.
ang ganda talaga ng song na pinapakinggan ko ngayon.
kailan ko siya makikilala?
magiging masaya ba ang aking christmas? (sana naman!)
masarap ang "melted cheese" as in grabe.
magiging masaya pa ba ako?

anong petsa na! wahaha! grabe na ito, as in to the nth power. haaaay... ang life naman talaga oh...

i'm not worth anything

2004-12-05T14:44:00.000+08:00

song: hilary duff - fly

haaay... ano ba ito? pakiramdam ko eh wala na akong silbi sa world. ang hirap... sa tingin ko, wala akong magandang naidudulot sa kahit anong bagay. kahit anong gawin ko, it's never good enough. i've always thought all along that i don't have to prove myself to anyone. maybe because i have to prove myself to... well... myself. my gosh... what a world.

I WANT TO CRY MY HEART OUT!! :'(

held in the neck so tight

2004-12-04T13:34:00.000+08:00

song: switchfoot - only hope

saturday... i have classes, and, yeah... there you go for an introduction. haha! does it seem to you like i'm hell bored or pissed off? because i am. really am.

earlier, while i was attending "classes", (yeah, call it that.) i was continually texting my mother because i am asking for her permission para maka-alis ako. in the first place, i am old and responsible enough to handle just even myself. i have to make my own decisions. i have to keep myself on judging my own actions and learn through experience. pero my mom, she's not thinking the same way.

she's always thought that she holds my life whatever i do, not unless i break out of them. sobrang hinihigpitan ako ng mom ko. there's so much angst in me right now.

so i got off my classes and... wham! my phone rang and it was her. conversation went on like this:

mom: san ka na naman pupunta?
ako: alis lang po kami ng classmates ko.
mom: umuwi ka na.
ako: saglit lang naman eh.
(the rest is kind of disturbing, i'll leave it that way there. but i prodded and i lost.)

annoying isn't it? when you get controlled at even the smallest measures.

kaya lalo ako nagiging pasaway eh...

i have a kwento

2004-12-03T15:38:00.000+08:00

song: blink 182 - stay together for the kids

haha! jevinne sent me images of ourselves, (see, i told you... summer pa lang "adik" na ako sa pag-picture sa sarili ko! haha!) sa mga place na kung saan-saan. basta may camera (or a phone with a cam, for that matter) pikchuran na kaagad!

WARNING!
some pictures maybe disturbing, though i admit na everytime i look at them, i only think of one thing: "kaganda naman!" haha!

exhibit a: jevinne and me sa isang kapihan sa p.noval! haha! kaganda ko nga naman talaga!

exhibit b: another display of my kagandahan... haaay... haha!

exhibit c: that's our kuya popo! he's very sweet and malambing and caring and i love my kuya popo!

exhibit d: here's yome and enard sa likod ng van ni pat! from UST nagpunta kami ng las piñas, para lang mag-kape! hehe! layo noh?

exhibit e: that's my kuya popo again. this time, hindi naman kape tinitira namin. pansit canton naman!

exhibit f: balik tayo sa kape: SEATTLE'S BEST! haha! sa SM manila, that's me and pat... stolen shot ni jevinne. hmph! XD

exhibit g: haha! me! kaganda talaga! stolen shot ulit.. ni pat naman. tsk tsk!

it's okay.. we're alright..

2004-12-03T13:48:00.000+08:00

song of the day: liz phair - extraordinary

so many different blogs had passed right through me, and i swear, i'm going to stick to this one. okay, walang pasok for the past two days, at feel ko na bakasyon na nga. harhar! ayaw ko na pumasok ever! tomorrow, i think there'd be classes. but it's okay, i finally get to do something better than to sit and bum around the house. sumusuko na computer ko sa lahat ng pinaggagawa ko sa kanya the whole 2 days!

i was trying to recover some of the pictures i had uploaded in so the so many different areas of the internet. (i.e. my bajillion e-mail accounts, a photobucket account, FTP servers, etc.) these were the pictures of ourselves (and some of other people) my cousin and i endlessly took while spending summer in different parts of the country. (splash island? haha!) i've been quite successful actually.

also, sinusubukan ko i-organize lahat ng accounts ko sa net. (e-mails, blog accounts, friendster, hi-5, AML, etc.) i tried to set their passwords accordingly so i wouldn't forget. and then aalisin ko na yung mga accounts na 'di ko na kailangan.

3 yahoo! e-mail accounts (1 will be deleted soon)
1 blogdrive account
1 MOE account
1 AML account
1 photobucket album
1 hotmail e-mail account (to be terminated)

so, i'm getting my hands full. anyways, i have an exam in rizal course tomorrow. and guess what? hindi pa ako nag-aaral! haha! anong bago 'dun?

so, all of you, congratulate me for my new blog. at ipagdasal niyo na sana hindi ko 'to pagsawaan kaagad. haha!

A Life Less Ordinary

come a little bit closer

i want to rush!

movie marathon

utopia

toxic

what?

bakit ba pag wala ka na ako'y kulang?

life is good

mayer!

wasted sighs

meme-fied!

the best album

if only

this would be like.. whoa!

bakit ba pag wala ka na ako'y kulang?

randomness

just hold your horses right there..

happier from happy

don't care how long, but i'm willing to wait

it's been something sometime

finally!

C++ MY ASS!

i so love C++ programming...

oh yeah yeah!

ahhh...

the heat of the summer sunshine

someting i'm going to stick with

the songs of my life

what's the current status?

strike TWO!!!

THE REVENGE OF THE SITH experience

what happened?

i'm on this endless road with nothing to see

what goes around comes around

the story of my FIRST LOVE

anong petsa na?

because i am broken

stop treating me like crap

i took every chance

i think it's happy day

something else to talk about

mamatay na lahat ng snatchers/magnanakaw/holdaper sa pilipinas!!

para sa mga batang babagsak sa subjects nila

oh boy oh boy

i almost had you and i didn't even know it

it's a wonder love can make the world go round

lalalalalaland... nyahaha!

bakit 'di ko maamin sa iyo?

a wonderful story

ang buhay nga naman

what i have in mind

kwento lang muna dito...

post-valentime's post

tangina

i'm a f*****g failure!

a fairy tale

i realized something amazing today

look ma! i stole yahoo!'s homepage!

the last thing i need

naglilihi

and maybe, you're gonna be the one who saves me

i never felt so good...

isang tama, sampung mali... ganyan ako pumili

i'm so *bleep* pissed off...

have yourself a...

pasko na, sinta ko...

hotness...

almost christmas...

unbelievable!

certified ADIK

it takes 4 to tango...

4:30am wonders

i think...

i'm a dedicated blogger

gusto ko na mabasa ito ng buong mundo

i'm not worth anything

held in the neck so tight

i have a kwento

it's okay.. we're alright..

i'm so bleep pissed off...